I had a very hard time with meditation; I knew it was important, but no matter how much I tried, I couldn’t make it work. I read books, listened to tapes, went to lectures and talked to many people that did it all the time. Nothing worked and yet I knew if I didn’t get the hang of it my journey would be a lot harder.
It then dawned on me that meditation was quiet time and I already had that. I wake up around 4 am; I feed the dog, the cats, the birds, the squirrels, the raccoons and the possums. The last 2 are not intentional, but I don’t mind, in fact they’re fun to watch. Then I answer my e-mails and plan out my day, which sometimes even works out the way I plan it.
Then it occurred to me that these 2 to 3 hours are quiet time and I always feel good afterwards. I found that I already had my own form of meditation.
The first and most important decision I made after my second heart attack was to go into therapy. Luckily I found a great therapist and spent 7 years with her before we decided I could do the rest of the necessary work on my own.
One of the questions I asked her near the end was why the process takes so long. She told me that when she gets a new client she usually knows what’s wrong with them after the first session. The problem is, if she tells them, they won’t come back because it takes a long time for people to realize that whatever situation they’re in, they can change it. No matter what happened to you in your life, there comes a time that you have to get over it and move on.
One of the major problems we worked out together was time management; in order for me to do everything that I wanted to do, I needed about 15 days a week. The only problem with that is, of course, 7 is all you get. When I finally came to terms with that and realized that you have to get your priorities in order, it took a lot of stress out of my life.
My list of problems was quite long, luckily a lot of them were worked out in therapy, but it took me 13 more years to work out most of the list and I’m sure that I’ll be working on improving myself until my life is over.
When I was 43 years old I had my first heart attack, when I was 47, I had my second one. I easily caused them to happen to myself because I was simply a crazed person, I had to have my hands in everything and worst than that, I needed total control.
The doctor said if I didn’t lose weight, exercise and lower my stress I would be dead in 6 months. The weight I finally lost, but it took 20 years. Exercise was no problem, I could watch my wife work out for 2 hours and not take a break; such endurance. The stress was a different thing altogether. I spent the next 20 years learning how to let go of things. I went to therapy for 7 years, I listened to all kinds of tapes, I read many books, I meditated and anything else I could do to lead me to a long happy life.
It was quite a journey, I’m guessing this Random Thought will be continued for the next few months.
In my last blog I told the story of how I outsmarted myself producing a show in Las Vegas, I will now continue the story of how I wasted so much time filing a lawsuit against the Casino.
Over a 3 year period I showed up in Vegas to be heard in court 12 or 13 times and the case never got heard. I was sure I had the dumbest attorney that ever lived. Of course one time when I asked him if he had change for a $20, he pulled out a roll of cash that looked like $1000’s of dollars, he also drove an Aston Martin and had an estate bordering the 4th hole of one of the casinos golf courses. I was too dumb to realize that he might not have wanted to win this case for me.
The last time I showed up at court, when they called the name of the case to be assigned to a courtroom I jumped up and asked the judge if it would be OK if I speak. He said yes. I asked “if people had to travel to Vegas for a case, shouldn’t they get priority treatment?” He said yes. He started yelling at the 2 attorneys and said the case would be heard in his courtroom at 2 pm. When I got there at 2, he had left for a 3 day vacation. It finally dawned on me, I could show up forever and nothing would ever happen.
When I was beginning to leave, the opposing attorney approached me and said they wanted to settle and I asked why. He told me they felt sorry for me and offered me $5000 for all the times I had to travel there.
The moral is simple. When you’ve lost, you’ve lost. Learn when to give up.